i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this will be a night to untag.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize