Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
