if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
