What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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