marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Come see our sink grown plant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize