i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
