She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
