I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
