you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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