Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
