I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
