I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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