I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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