sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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