You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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