dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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