I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize