found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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