What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
