Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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