I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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