I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
