Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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