I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
