You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
