I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So here I am, sexting at work.
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