We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
