How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize