where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
