You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize