Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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