Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
