and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
