Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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