you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I fill condoms, not promises.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
