Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
