Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
