Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm gonna have a badass scar
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
