legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
