Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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