Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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