Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
