wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
