Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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