Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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