Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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