she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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