I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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