k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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