You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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