Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're like the curious george of whores
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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