So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
