i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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