You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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