You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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