this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
