dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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