fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
