Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
