So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
