In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
