No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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