I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
