Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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