If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
