Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
