College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
