Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Two words: blizzard sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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