I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
