I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
